Feeling It Read online

  “I know,” I said softly. “But you don’t owe anybody anything, Logan. Who cares what anyone thinks? They haven’t been through what you’re going through. Even your parents and even Cheyenne. We all lost Willa, but only you lost her in the way you did. Everyone else misses her in their own way.”

  He smiled at me, and nodded, his blue-grey eyes dark with sadness. Then he sniffed and changed the subject.

  “So, when are you going to make me another pie?” he asked.

  “You haven’t asked me yet,” I said. “What do you want?”

  “Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. I love pie. I really do. But, what I love even more than pie, is cake. Just a simple sheet cake. Vanilla, not chocolate. With buttercream in the center and frosting on the outside. With some sprinkles, of course.”

  “Well, that’s a simple enough request,” I chuckled. “I thought you were going to say Madeleines or something that takes a little more skill to make. You know, where just a little too much fidgeting makes the whole thing fall apart?”

  “Nope, I’m a man of simple pleasures,” he grinned. “But, if you want to try out any of your fancy pastries on me, I’m happy to be a guinea pig. You know what they say. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

  “Good to know,” I said. “Lucky I’m a pastry chef, then.”

  I knew I might have given away something of what I was feeling for him with that last remark, but I didn’t care. I was already imagining a whole spread of goods to make him.

  He wouldn’t need to ask me twice. For anything.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  LOGAN

  †

  SOMETHING ABOUT CAITLYN MADE me want to open up and talk to her. It just felt so right, so natural. After her having spent some time with my sister, I thought that talking about Willa would lead to yet another lecture on how my drinking wasn’t going to solve anything, or that I’m living life on the edge, risking my life and my sanity and all that shit.

  But Caitlyn hadn’t mentioned any of that once. What she’d said made so much more sense than anything anyone had said to me in the past two years. Her beauty was clearly not skin-deep.

  That weekend, when my friend Jonah asked me to join him for a drink as he had done on many previous occasions, I accepted. Usually, I’d drown my sorrows alone at a bar, but now, I was up for a little company. Jonah said Mike had installed a new pool table and he wanted to go check it out.

  Mike Liebeck had always sworn that he’d never put a pool table in his bar. But, as times were getting harder for small businesses, he’d finally caved under the pressure and bought a respectable piece complete with a smooth rich blue felt surface.

  There was already a small crowd gathered around the table when we entered, patiently waiting their turn. I threw Mike a wink and he just rolled his eyes and shrugged.

  It had done the trick, though; something as simple as a pool table made the whole place feel alive once more.

  Jonah ordered us a couple of beers as we took our seats at the bar. He did most of the talking, telling me about his new band which was doing quite well. He even invited me to come out to Montpelier where he was getting some solid bookings.

  Thinking of Montpelier made me think of Caitlyn. I wondered when she was going back there and whether his invitation might serve as a good excuse for me to drop by and visit her, even though Jonah’s brand of music wasn’t particularly my style.

  I felt a hand on the back of my neck and long fingernails in my hair. I turned around to stare into eyes I didn’t recognize and a face I didn’t know. She was a voluptuous woman with blonde hair and thick lips. She was practically bursting out of her shirt and Jonah’s mouth fell open. I could almost hear it clanging against the bar as his jaw dropped.

  “Hey there, big-boy,” she crooned. “I’ve just been told by a guy over at the pool table that you’re a bit of a hot shot around here. Is there any truth to that statement?”

  I laughed. “You mean at pool or something else?” I asked.

  She giggled and pushed a manicured nail between her teeth. “How about a little wager? Dollar a ball?”

  I looked at Jonah, who was nodding furiously. I was sure he only wanted to watch this woman lay her breasts on the table, but my beer was nearly empty and if I didn’t take her up on her offer, then it might be a while before I got a chance to play.

  “All right,” I said. “You’re on.”

  At the table, she handed me a cue and dusted the tip of hers with a swipe of the chalk. She leaned over the table, her ass sticking out from under her tiny denim skirt, but she didn’t seem to mind and neither did the appreciating crowd of men sitting behind her.

  With a swift push of the cue, she smashed through the rack and immediately pocketed three balls. “I think that makes it three dollars,” she said.

  “Your math is as good as your pool playing,” I said wryly, but she missed the next shot and my turn was up. I pocketed two balls before missing a difficult shot and she took over. We played two games, and she won both of them. I handed over the cash, as agreed, but she went to line the rack up again, smiling at me as she bent over the table.

  “All right,” I agreed. “One more game. Let’s see if I can win a little of my money back before we give the other guys a chance.” I knew no one would mind; most of them enjoying the sideshow she was giving them far too much.

  Then she came up to me and trailed her fingernail down my chest. “I have a better idea,” she whispered. “Let’s say we make it a little more interesting.”

  “What did you have in mind?” I asked. I could literally hear the crowd of men around us holding their breaths in anticipation of what she was about to offer.

  “If you win, you can take me home with you,” the woman said. I certainly wasn’t expecting her to be so forward, but just before I could respond, I looked up to see Caitlyn standing there, staring right at me. I looked down at the woman again. I didn’t even know her name.

  “How about we stick to cash,” I said. “Double or nothing?”

  She clearly confused friendliness with interest. She held no appeal to me whatsoever.

  She shrugged and took the first shot without pocketing a single ball, then walked over to me and pouted. “Looks like it might be your lucky night,” she said and ran her hand over my shoulder as I bent down to take aim.

  It was a good shot and I lined up for the next one and then the next, making a clean sweep. I won back my money, but she was one persistent woman, wanting more. She placed her arms around my neck and leaned in for a kiss, but I un-looped her hands gently and stepped back.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Not tonight.”

  There was only one woman on my mind, and I went searching for her as Jonah quickly stepped in to take my place at the table. I saw Cheyenne sitting at the bar, leaning over the counter and talking to Parker. I shook my head. It seemed they were finally noticing each other. It had only taken twelve years.

  But, Caitlyn was nowhere to be seen. I searched for her, not wanting to look too obvious, until I gave in and went over to Cheyenne who was, thankfully, sober but unhappy about being disturbed while Tiger Woods was whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

  “Where’s Caitlyn?” I asked. “Has she left?”

  “No, she went outside for some air,” Cheyenne said, shouting over the music. “Why?”

  “No reason,” I said in reply and turned to make my way over to the front of the bar before opening the door and stepping out into the parking lot.

  Then I saw them.

  Caitlyn was leaning against the side of the building and leaning over her, with one hand on the wall and the other one inside his pocket, was a guy who had no business looking at her the way he was. I wasted no time in walking over.

  “What’s going on?” I asked. Caitlyn threw me an icy look.

  “I don’t know, Logan,” she replied. “Finally looked up from Miss Bigtits to come talk to me?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “Sh
e challenged me to a game of pool.”

  Caitlyn shrugged infuriatingly. “Whatever,” she said. She turned back to her male friend. “So, tell me more about gutting fish.”

  He opened his mouth, but I cut him off, taking her by the arm and pulling her away. The guy wasn’t happy about this and placed his hand on my chest. “Hey, buddy,” he said. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I was talking to the lady here and she was listening. So if you don’t mind?”

  I wrenched his hand from my chest and pushed him against the wall, my fingers hard against his sternum. “The lady’s not listening anymore,” I said. “Say goodnight.”

  But, I didn’t give him a chance as I took hold of her hand and marched her across the parking lot. She was yelling as she trotted beside me. “So what, a man wants to talk to me and you get all pissed, but when it’s the other way around it’s fine to have women drooling all over you?”

  Turning to her, I let go of her hand and held on to her arm. “First of all, that’s not a man, that’s an asshole. Secondly, so what if they drool?” I asked. “I’m not drooling.”

  “That’s not what it looked like to me, “she snapped.

  “Well, maybe you should look again. Stop jumping to goddamn conclusions,” I said. “Get in.”

  “What? What makes you think I want to go anywhere with you?” she said, jerking her arm free.

  “Caitlyn, get in this fucking truck before I put you in it,” I warned and from my facial expression, she could clearly see that I wasn’t playing games. That seemed to do the trick as she turned without saying another word and hopped onto the front seat. I slammed the door shut behind her and got into the driver’s seat, pushing the key into the ignition and revving the engine as soon as it started.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “Back to my place,” I answered and before she could ask, I answered. “You and I are going to go finish what we started the other day. Nobody else is going to be your first.”

  She sat beside me in silence as we sped along the road to my apartment. As soon as I parked the car and helped her out, we made our way through the main door, neither of us uttering a word. We climbed the stairs and I pushed the key into the keyhole. The door swung open, letting us both inside.

  There was no need for me to offer her a drink. We both wanted the same thing, and it wasn’t alcohol. I led her straight into my bedroom, closed the door and pinned her up against it, her hands extended above her head.

  “Now, where were we?” I asked and lowered my head to claim her mouth. She kissed me back without hesitation. I lifted her top up over her head, tossing it to the side. My hand reached behind her back to unclip her bra. Her breasts fell into my hands, and my lips were around one of her nipples, sucking on it while she ran her fingers through my hair.

  I dropped to my knees, kissing her stomach while opening the fastening of her pants. They dropped to the floor and she kicked off her shoes. Then she was half-naked before me as she had been a couple of days earlier, and we were right back where we were before we’d stopped the last time.

  I kissed her thighs, my lips just glancing against the underside of her panties and she moaned. I stood up, scooped her up into my arms and carried her over to the bed. There, I laid her down gently and slowly took off my jeans as she watched.

  She got up and kneeled on the bed as she unbuttoned my shirt, kissing my chest and working her way down to my stomach. She paused and took a deep breath before pulling down my underwear. My cock was hard and ready, showing her how much I wanted her.

  She looked at it, then up at me. I gently pushed her backward and lay on top of her, kissing her deeply, holding her to me and stroking every inch of her body.

  This time when my fingers came to the top of her panties I didn’t push my hand inside. Instead, I pulled them down, flinging them to one side so that she was naked. Then I stroked between her legs, feeling her softness, her skin warm to the touch.

  We tasted one another’s mouths, devouring each other as my fingers explored her. She was wet once more, like the first time I’d touched her. Her shyness was quickly overtaken by desire. She stroked my cock, holding it in her hand and moved her thumb over its tip. I groaned into her mouth.

  God, how I desired her.

  I made my way downward, pausing at her beautiful breasts once more before moving further until I was between her thighs. She smelled of fresh innocence mixed with wild sensuality, and I ran my tongue gently against the nub of her clit. She gave an exquisite moan toward the ceiling, trembling as I licked her, my tongue swirling around, giving her the kind of pleasure I knew she’d been dreaming of. She tasted divine as she opened up to me in her want, and I knew it was time.

  Getting onto my knees, I moved up to her mouth again and kissed her. She held onto me and pulled me closer. “Logan, don’t stop this time,” she begged.

  I had no intention of stopping. As I gently entered her, her eyes flared wide as she held my gaze and grabbed my shoulders. I moved and pushed in deeper, and she gasped, a flicker of pain crossed her face as I filled her, only to be replaced by pleasure so enveloping that her mouth opened in ecstasy.

  She clung to me, wrapping her legs around my waist, drawing me into her, and I simply followed where she led, deep inside her, the first man ever to have the privilege. Slowly we made love, the moments between us gentle at first until they became faster, harder, more desperate as our craving for each other grew until it reached a peak from which we were sure we’d never return.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CAITLYN

  †

  ONCE HE WAS INSIDE me, I wanted to hold him there forever. I’d thought about my first time more than I could even remember, but nothing could have prepared me for how wonderful it felt when he filled me so completely and made me his.

  I was complete. Even during the times he wasn’t moving, simply laying on top of me, I felt whole. When he finally pulled out, I felt as if he took a part of me with him, a part that would be lost to me forever.

  It can’t have been the best sex that he’d ever had. I couldn’t compare it to anything I’ve experienced before, but Logan could. Knowing that he’d had his fair share of women over the years, I was sure that there must have been times he wanted to do things with me while making love that I didn’t even know of.

  Yet, he was patient and wonderful and gentle.

  I knew that women do take the lead in bed, grabbing their men and commanding them. I could thank Netflix for that. But, for me, that kind of confidence would probably only come in time. At moments where he moved me on top of him, my naked breasts against his chest, I wanted to sit up, put my head back and ride him hard while screaming his name, but I was shy. I could have kicked myself for holding back, but I didn’t want to look like a fool.

  I woke up the following morning to the warmth of his mouth against the back of my neck and his hand fondling my breast. I could feel his erection in-between my legs. Then he drew my hips back before entering me from behind. We were both still sleepy, but we were desperate for each other once more.

  He moved in and out of me with rapid strokes, grabbing onto my thighs as he came, the groans that escaped his lips were like a prayer to my ears.

  “God, Caitlyn. I’ve got to have you stay over more often,” he said as he slowly released me from his grasp, sighing with pleasure.

  I smiled and sat up as he collapsed against the pillows. I grabbed my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. I needed the bathroom. So, I quickly turned and kissed him before jumping up and hurrying down the hall. As I did, I felt a warm trickle run down the inside of my thigh. He could have used a condom, had offered to, but there was no need. I’d been prescribed birth-control a while ago because my periods wouldn’t regulate themselves, the Pill being the best solution to the problem according to my doctor.

  I’ve waited for him for so long and was glad that he could be inside me without anything separating us.

  I quickly used the toilet
and then peeled off my t-shirt, tossing it aside.

  The large glass-lined shower looked inviting. Warm neutral colored tiles covered the back wall and a chrome showerhead extended from the ceiling. The faint scent of Logan’s cologne hung in the air, a mixture of cardamom and cedar.

  My toes flinched as I stepped into the shower, the tiles cold beneath my feet. Luckily, the water was hot and powerful. Steam quickly filled the room. Streams of water pounded against my head and then ran down my body. I leaned against the tiles and closed my eyes, letting the water massage my aching muscles. I smiled, knowing that the soreness was because of the workout I had the night before.

  I heard a noise and my eyes fluttered open only to see Logan stepping into the stall. I suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable, the water not offering much of a covering. I moved forward, looking for a towel, but I knew that, even if I’d grabbed one, Logan would have taken it from me again.

  Without saying a word, he wrapped his arms around me, kissing me deeply. Then he stepped forward until I could feel my back pressed against the tiles of the shower wall. We were out from under the warm jets of falling water and he was kissing me still, his hands making their way down my body as the steam enveloped us. Then he got on his knees and moved his hands around my thighs, grabbing my ass before burying his head between my legs. He brought one of my legs up and lifted it over his shoulder, his tongue finding that part of me I was sure was made just for him.

  As I stood there, naked and wet, hot water hitting the floor and spraying up again over both of us, Logan swirled his tongue between my inner lips, sucking my clit and grazing it with his teeth. I steadied myself by placing both hands on his shoulders and I closed my eyes. My mouth fell open as my pleasure built from deep within, and it was only seconds later that I exploded in spasms of ecstasy, my body trembling as I bucked against his mouth. I melted to the floor in surrender and he held me close.

  “You taste divine, sweetheart,” he whispered against my ear.