Feeling It Read online

  We stood by the edge of the creek. “Yep,” I said, not wanting to add anything more to that as I could see how uncomfortable she was. “He was lucky, though. Any faster and it might have been a different story.”

  “So everyone keeps telling me.”

  “Don’t be too hard on your old man,” I said. “He’s hurting.”

  I couldn’t tell her that in urging her to understand her father, I was asking her to understand me, too. I’m not the guy Cheyenne’s been telling you I am, I wanted to say to her. But, I couldn’t. It probably wouldn’t have made any sense to her, either.

  So, instead, I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to one side.

  “Coming in?” I asked.

  Now it was her turn to allow her eyes to drift over my body, and there was no doubt that I was enjoying her looking. I pulled down the zipper of my jeans and hooked my thumbs on either side of the waistband.

  “I’m not wearing anything underneath,” I smiled. “Thought I’d give you fair warning.”

  Her eyes fluttered and she blushed, but she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin slightly.

  “Well, I’m sure you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before,” she said, so I pulled down my pants and kicked it to the side. Her words contradicted her reaction at seeing me standing there naked in front of her but before I could say anything, she turned away and kicked off her trainers.

  I didn’t wait any further and dove into the creek. I pushed through the cool, refreshing water with a couple of long strokes, and then stopped a few meters away from the bank, squirting water through my mouth and flicking my wet hair back off my face. After the storm a few nights ago, the water level had risen and my feet just barely touched the bottom.

  “Come on!” I shouted. “It’s really good!”

  But she stood there, unsure, nervously playing with the toggle on her shorts. “I think it’s a little cold to go swimming today!” she called. “It’s only the beginning of May, you know!”

  “It’s beautiful in here. Not that cold at all!” I said, running a hand through my hair. Still, she didn’t move. She just stood there watching me.

  “Listen, if you’re shy getting rid of your clothes, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ve got nothing that I haven’t seen before,” I taunted, throwing her words back at her.

  “Ah, very clever, wise-ass,” she smirked, but she still didn’t move. I was perplexed. Why was she being so shy all of a sudden?

  “Are you seriously not going to come in?” I shouted to her. “I never imagined you being such a baby! Chicken, are we?”

  At this, she put her hands on her hips, and I saw the same look of defiance on her face I’d seen the night before. I smiled.

  She removed her t-shirt, revealing a white sports bra, and then bent over and got rid of her shorts. I knew I was in trouble. If she looked that fucking amazing in her underwear, how was I going to control myself once she showed me what lay underneath those white briefs?

  But, instead of undressing further, she pulled the watch from her wrist and tossed it onto her clothes and then plunged into the water.

  Was I disappointed? Fuck, yes.

  When she came up from underneath the water, she gave a loud shriek. “It’s freezing! You asshole!”

  I laughed and swam over to her, splashing her with more water while she shivered, her teeth chattering together. She tried to swim toward the bank again but I grabbed her by the ankle, pulling her toward me. “Where are you going?” I asked. “It’s not that cold!”

  She turned to me and flicked water in my face. “You had me thinking it was nice,” she moaned. “It’s not! It’s fucking icy!”

  “Don’t be so dramatic,” I said. “Come on, just move around a bit and you’ll warm up. Promise.” She threw me a disbelieving look, but still reached out to take hold of my hands and started treading water. As she did, she slowly moved closer and closer. I let go of her hands and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me.

  She drew in a sharp breath as her body touched mine and pushed against my shoulders. I let her go.

  “It’s too cold,” she said. “I have to get out.”

  She pushed away through the water, pulling herself out onto the bank. I followed her. She was standing with her back turned to me, twisting the water from her ponytail. I quickly pulled on my jeans, but took my t-shirt and wrapped it around her shivering frame.

  “Come, here”, I said, turning her around and drew her into my arms. “Let me warm you up. The sun is sure to help as well,” I said. She didn’t resist. We stood there as the water dripped from our bodies, the late afternoon sun warm against our skin. I could tell that it helped as she stopped shivering, although, she didn’t pull away.

  It felt so right to hold her like that and I closed my eyes for a second, silently wishing that this moment would last a little longer.

  “I’m still mad at you,” she said, her voice pulling me back to reality. “You lied to me.”

  I laughed. “Honestly, I didn’t think it was that cold. Maybe because I’m used to it, I don’t know. Forgive me?” I asked, and I pulled away slightly to look at her.

  Her face was only inches away from mine. I held her gaze and then my eyes dropped to rest on her mouth. Her lips parted slightly in a silent invitation. I slowly lowered my head and paused for a second before I closed the small gap between us. I trailed my tongue along her mouth before pushing it between her parted lips, feeling the heat emanating from deep inside her, although her skin was still cool to the touch. She opened her mouth even more and, as our tongues touched, I could feel a shiver run through her body.

  God, she was so responsive. Our kiss deepened and became more urgent, and my hands moved up her body, to her neck as I cupped her face. She groaned into my mouth and I could feel my cock harden, pressing against the material of my Levi’s.

  I moved my one hand down and stroked the outside curve of her breast with the back of my fingers. I wanted to feel more, see more. I let the t-shirt that was still wrapped around her, fall to the ground, leaving her standing there in only her underwear. I slid my hands inside her panties, grabbing hold of her ass and pushed her hips forward, grinding her against my erection.

  She gasped and her eyes flared open. She stiffened and pulled away, licking her lips as she looked up at me. “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “Why? I’m sure you want me just as badly as I want you. Don’t pull away from me,” I said, reaching for her, but she stepped back.

  “No, Logan. Don’t. I need to go.” She bent down and picked up her t-shirt, pulling it over her head before putting on her shorts. Then she pushed her feet into her sneakers.

  I stood there, one hand at the back of my neck and the other on my hip, trying my damnedest not to reach for her again.

  She picked up her watch from where it lay on the ground and then she looked at me. “I just can’t do this,” she said again. “I’m not Kristin Baxter.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked. “There’s nothing happening between Kristin and me. What’s Cheyenne been telling you?”

  “Look. All I know is that I don’t want to be another one of your conquests,” Caitlyn said. She looked down to secure her watch to her wrist and then up again. “I’m not interested in having a quickie with someone that’s clearly just into having a good time. I want more than that,” she said. Then she turned and ran back towards the road.

  I didn’t run after her. Instead, I watched her leave, and then I picked up my t-shirt and headed back to work on my bike.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CAITLYN

  †

  OH, MY GOD. I saw Logan Steele naked! When he took his shirt off, I already had to force myself from staring at his chiseled chest and his glowing skin, a slight sheen of sweat covering his torso. But, when he got rid of his pants, well, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep my mouth from flopping open and start drooling like a Neapolitan Mastiff.

  I pretended no
t to be too fazed, but it was difficult to keep my eyebrows from rising and my eyes from flaring. All I wanted to do was to extend my arms and run my fingers over each crevasse and every ripple of his naked body.

  And then, the kiss. I kept playing it over in my mind like a treasured memory. His lips were warm and his tongue was soft as he explored my mouth, teasingly at first but then passionate.

  That’s what scared me. The passion and growing sexual energy between us overwhelmed me. The way our kiss deepened and then feeling his desire for me as he ground my hips against his arousal. It was just too intense.

  I panicked.

  I sighed and wished that I could just talk to someone about what just happened. But, whom could I possibly tell? It’s not like I could call Cheyenne up and have a casual conversation with her, sipping coffee while telling her I’d just kissed her brother and oh, by the way, I saw his dick, too.

  This was the kind of shit that came from having a crush on the kind of people you shouldn’t have a crush on in the first place. It meant that I’d have to just keep it all to myself.

  As I ran home, the cool afternoon breeze chilled my already wet body. By the time I let myself into the house, I was desperate for a hot shower. Dad was in the kitchen preparing dinner and I called to him as I ran upstairs, shouting that I’d be right down. I didn’t want him to see me and think I’d somehow fallen into the creek and got myself into some kind of trouble.

  Under the hot jets of water, I relaxed. I pulled my hair from its band and massaged my scalp with shampoo. As I soaped my body, my fingers glancing over my nipples, I couldn’t help but think about Logan and how his fingers brushed against my breast barely an hour ago. I could feel an ache between my thighs, one that had been there since he’d stood naked in front of me, and it only increased as he drew me to him when we were in the water. Even in the freezing cold creek, I’d come alive.

  I thought about what might have happened if I’d stayed rather than run away like a frightened child. I’d spent so long dreaming about Logan being the first man to make love to me, the one who would make me a woman and yet, when I was faced with the reality of it actually happening, I just wasn’t ready. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment.

  With the door to the bathroom locked, I dared to give in to my fantasy. Under the hot water, I brought my hand between my legs and touched myself, desperate for relief. I closed my eyes and imagined Logan standing behind me, our bodies enveloped by the steam rising from the heat of the falling water. I imagined him drawing me back against his hard chest, his arms around me. How his one hand would cup my breast and the other move down towards the junction between my thighs.

  It wasn’t the same, of course, to be standing there alone, having never once been naked in front of a man but, it was all I had. At the peak of my desire, I spread my fingers against the wet glass of the shower, and I threw my head back as waves of euphoric relief coursed through my body.

  It sated my lust of Logan for only a little while, but at least it meant that I could get through the evening without him constantly plaguing my mind. I could sit and eat dinner with my father and later, I even thought about doing a little baking.

  †

  One thing Vermont always has is a steady supply of apples. With a little flour, some fresh butter, golden sugar and a pinch of cinnamon, I was able to rustle up a very respectable apple pie early the next morning. It was nowhere near Revellier’s standards, of course, but Dad loved it.

  It felt good to get my hands sticky again, to craft something that reminded me of home and even of my mom. I thought about the times I’d hung onto her, watching while she sliced apples with her slim fingers, her hands dusty with flour.

  After a light Sunday lunch, we sat outside on the porch, sipping coffee. I noticed the effort my dad was making in trying to cut down on his drinking. I hadn’t seen him take a drop since I brought him home despite the conversation we had in the car on the way home from the hospital. We sat in silence for much of the time, but it never once felt oppressive. If anything, it felt as though we were making up for lost time.

  A little after three, a roar came up from down the road and then a motorcycle came into view. My heart skipped a beat. I recognized the bike; had seen it outside the bar two nights ago and then again outside Logan’s workshop earlier yesterday.

  Why was he here? Had he come to finish what we’d both started?

  As he came up the drive, I slipped away from the porch and into the house, unable to bring myself to face him. I kept the door ajar so that I could listen in on the conversation and first see what he wanted before going outside.

  “Hey, Bill!” he called out. I could hear the crunch of his boots on the gravel covering the driveway as he made his way towards the porch. “How you feeling?”

  “Oh, I’m getting there,” Dad said. “Caitlyn’s been taking good care of her old man. What brings you up here?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about the car,” said Logan. “I’ve got it over at my place. Mike brought it around after the accident.”

  So, he wasn’t there for me. He’d come to see Dad.

  “Right,” Dad replied. “Of course. How is she?”

  “Well, she’s seen better days,” Logan laughed. “I’ve taken a look and there’s so much damage, it wouldn’t be worth trying to fix her. I think you’re best cutting your losses with the insurance and getting yourself another car.”

  “I guess you want it moved off the property, right? It can’t look that pretty, sitting there next to all your fine work.”

  Your fine work?

  It meant that my Dad must have known how talented Logan was. It made me wonder how I’d never known anything about his craftsmanship before. I thought back to all the beautiful pieces of furniture he’d created.

  “Well, I guess eventually I’ll get her moved,” Logan said. “Only, I was thinking about stripping her down for parts. There are a couple of things that could come in handy for a project I’m working on. It’s a hell of a powerful engine that thing’s got, and the leather on the seats could also be stripped down and sold off. I’d like to make you an offer on it.”

  “An offer? Get out of here,” Dad said. “You guys saved my life. From what I’ve heard, I could have been taken down the river if you and Mike hadn’t turned up. It’s me who should be making you an offer. How about some coffee and a slice of pie? Caitlyn’s just made some and, let me tell you, son, you haven’t tasted anything like this before.”

  “Well, I guess I can’t say no to that,” Logan said, and then I heard him walking up onto the porch.

  Dad called out to me, and I took a few seconds before I opened the door as though I’d been at the other end of the house, rather than sitting behind it the entire time, listening in on their conversation.

  “What’s up?” I asked breezily, hoping that neither one of them could hear the thumping of my heart. “Oh, hey, Logan.”

  “Oh, hey, Caitlyn,” he said playfully, grinning at me, seeing right through my charade. “Just came by to see your dad. How are you?”

  “Fine,” I said, too quickly, certain that I was blushing as bright as a beet.

  “Bring the boy some pie and coffee, won’t you, honey?” Dad asked.

  I was thankful to get away and quickly slipped into the house again, making my way to the kitchen. I poured some coffee into a mug and cut a slice of pie, before thinking it wasn’t the nicest piece, so, I cut him another, carefully this time and put it on a small plate. I placed everything on a tray and brought it outside. He took it from me with a wink, and I sat beside Dad. Logan seemed comfortable leaning against the porch rail; his legs stretched out and crossed in front of him, as he took a fork to the pie.

  Sadly, talk turned to the most boring subject on earth.

  Motorcycles.

  I tried not to roll my eyes as Dad nodded towards Logan’s bike. “Is that a Scout?” he asked.

  Logan nodded. “It was a bit of a gift to myself at the beginning of the yea
r. I wore the old one out. Had it since I was eighteen, so it was pretty worn out.” He looked up at me. “This pie’s amazing.”

  I smiled, but Dad kept the talk on the bike.

  “Of course, we had the Kawasaki in my time on the force,” he reminisced. “I used to bring it home with me, but Deborah never wanted to go for a ride with me. I’ve never understood why. It’s as safe as any other kind of vehicle on the road. What do you get off her? Eighty? Ninety HP?”

  “A hundred,” Logan said. “Yeah, she’s pretty powerful. I’m happy to give you a ride if you’re up to it?”

  “Now that sounds like a good idea to me,” Dad said. “Besides, all my insurance papers are in the glovebox of the car, so it’ll be great if I could get them from you. Guess we could go that way now.”

  “Great. Let’s go.” Logan uncrossed his legs and stood up, handing me the plate. He’d eaten every morsel. “If ever you feel like making me one of those sometime, I won’t say no.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said and smiled. I was thrilled that he’d enjoyed it so much. Dad stood up and I watched as he carefully stretched his back.

  He looked at Logan. “You know, Son. We might have to take a raincheck on that ride,” he said. “I can’t risk it.”

  “Of course,” Logan said. “Another time then, for sure.”

  “Oh, I’ll hold you to it,” Dad said. “Wait. I have an idea. Why don’t you take Caitlyn? She can go in my stead. As long as she wears a helmet. It’ll be easier than taking her car.”

  I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. It was my dads’. He looked at his watch.

  “That’ll be Charlotte,” he said. “Regular as clockwork, that woman.” He looked at me as he put the phone to his ear and waved his hand, urging me to leave. “Go on. It’s the green wallet with all the papers in it,” he whispered, and then he turned his attention to his sister on the other side of the line.

  I spun around to look at Logan who was already making his way over to his bike. He reached into a large leather saddlebag hanging on the side of the bike and brought out a shiny black helmet. “Ma’am?” he said, extending the helmet to me with an exaggerated bow.